With their worldly sophistication, cheap fisherman pants and penchant for being smiley all the time, tourists can be a much-hated group.
But before you laugh too hard at the lost look in their eyes, or mock too much the clattering chaos of their attempts to board the roof of a minibus with five bags and three cameras swinging from their torsos, understand this: they don't care.
They're having the time of their life. And we all know why. Being a tourist is awesome.
1. You can eat like a feudal lord every night, and still lose weight from all the walking.
2. Whether you're terrifying yourself on local transport or basting yourself in the sun next to a bag of beer, it beats what your friends are doing back home.
3. Freedom from the tyranny of socks.
4. The guilt attached to not utilizing your gym subscription is way less severe than it is back home.
5. Cold beers on the beach/in a hammock/in bed/in a bar in the middle of the afternoon? Don't mind if I do.
6. Bringing home a tan and worldly knowledge is like dousing yourself in pheromones. Just be sure to cover up with mosquito spray, to avoid unsightly welts.
7. If you've got any sense, your destination of choice will be significantly cheaper than your home country.
8. You can finally finish that book you've been falling asleep with every night for the last three months.
9. The weather. Even the rain seems somehow exotic when abroad.
10. The buzz you get walking around a new place knowing you're not at work is one of life's greatest highs.
11. You can get a foot massage every day without anyone thinking you're a fetishist.
In any other clothes you\'d look out of place.
In any other clothes you'd look out of place.
12. You can wear anything. Baggy Thai pants with a singlet? Go on, no one will bat an eyelid.
13. You learn about the country you're visiting through experience, rather than National Geographic. Or CNN Travel.
14. Happy hour is actually worthwhile -- half-price drinks starting just before sunset and extending for at least two hours.
15. You get to try local specialties previously only seen on TV: balut (Philippines), fried monkey toes
16. Those childish antics people get up to in pictures -- fingertips on the top of the Eiffel Tower, posing with fake gladiators at the Coliseum -- yep, you get to do them too now.
17. The nearest you get to cooking is pointing at the fish you want grilled for your dinner.
18. You get to mingle with a range of nationalities. Then escape them the next day.
19. With minimal effort -- such as sending a postcard -- you make your friends and relatives think you really care.
20. Those 1980s iPod playlists you compiled especially for the trip go down particularly well with others.
21. Tanned fat looks better than pale fat.
22. You get to wantonly fritter away money with the sudden knowledge that experiences are so much more valuable than things.
23. You can finally jettison your mobile phone and laptop without stress. Phileas Fogg wasn't online for hours at a stretch every day and neither should you be.
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